Grr..School

Ugh...I'm so sick of school. I wish I was closer to being done with it all. I am NEVER taking an online class again. NEVER.

First off, I have a massively annoying class which I just CAN'T get into. Second, my teacher is now telling me that I have two zeros. That I didn't take a Quiz and a test! UGH! And then he tells me that basically if I don't get A's on all three of my upcoming tests that I'm going to fail the class. I'm SO upset. I don't know what to do. I've called the student help desk and now all I can do is wait. I'm just praying that something good will come of this. I really don't want to fail this class.

*sighs*

9/27/09 Rando Retardedness

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Okay, you know you have issues when you're watching your husband play an animated game and your thoughts stray from:

"Wow, the graphics are amazing."

to:

"Damn he looks some kinda hot in all that torn leather."

And then you start to think, there's just something about super heroes that really gets a girl going.

Well, if you're a gamer/comic/nerd girl like me.

What animated sexiness am I referring to, you ask?
none other than the amazing, infamous Batman. That's right ladies, the Dark Knight himself in all his animated, gravely voiced glory.
Don't believe me?
Check it out:



Am i crazy? Probably. Do I care? Not a bit.

There's just something about this animated character that gets my engine going.
So here's to you batman, and your sexy black leather.
I'll keep my bat signal on for you.

And play nice with Joker, he's pretty awesome too.

Friday, September 25, 2009 Rando Retardedness

So as I was watching Blue's Clues this morning with my darling daughter, and suffering from sever lack of sleep, I began to notice that Joe ( Donovan Patton) was actually quite attractive. Then I noticed that not only was he quite attractive, but he was BUILT under that stupid sweater he was wearing. This was a shocking realization at 7 am.

So here's to all the hunk starved mommies out there. Sometimes they're right under your nose.

To Donovan, and your understated bod, we salute you.

Midnight Encounter

Chapter One

The desert sand was rough on my bare feet, still blisteringly hot from the heat of the day. The sky was inching its way toward darkness, dusk was upon me. Twilight was my friend. They couldn’t see as well in the twilight hours. My breath came out in ragged gasps as I slid behind a large rock formation. My heart slammed in my chest. I could still hear the sound of their vehicles, the sand crunching beneath them. Tears slipped down my cheeks as I gulped in air. I didn’t know how much longer I could run, didn’t have a clue where I could hide. I didn’t have a choice. I had to keep moving. I couldn’t be caught. Risking a glace behind me, I took off once more my muscles screaming in protest as I urged more speed from my exhausted limbs.

There! Just up ahead, was that a depression in the rocks? It could be a cave. I could hide in there for the remainder of the night. The rock would through them off. Just a little farther. Just keep moving. Just keep running. One, two, three steps more. Good girl, keep going. Almost there. I could smell the alkaline scent of the rock when I was suddenly engulfed in light. I couldn’t help it. I froze.

“Freeze! Don’t move!”

The rough gargle of my captor’s voice shocked my system. I bolted. My feet slapped against the sand, kicking up a trail of dust and rocks. I screamed in terror as I felt arms wrapping around my waist. I kicked, scratched, bit. Nothing worked.

No, I moaned inwardly, no. Now all was lost. I was caught. It was over.

“NO!” I sat bolt upright in bed, gripping the blankets to my chest. My body was shaking and I was drenched in cold sweat. My legs ached, my eyes felt gritty. I gulped in air as I looked around. Not a desert. I was in bed. In a large bed in a large blue toned room. I’d never been to the desert. I sucked in great gulps of air, trying to calm my racing heart.

“Wanda? Babe? You alright?” A muffled voice said beside me. I looked down into two of the bluest eyes I’d even seen. But they were a deep blue, like midnight over the ocean. His black hair was tousled from sleep; two massive bronze shoulders were visible above the sheets. My heart swelled as a sleepy smile tugged at his lips.

“Yes, just…Just a bad dream.” I shook my head, a futile effort to clear the dream from my head. I was still trembling. The terror I’d felt while dreaming still coursing through my body.

“You’re shaking, babe.” He said, sitting up and wrapping his arms around me. At once I was home. Cuddled in his strong embrace I could easily appreciate the strength of his muscles. I trailed a finger along his forearm feeling his muscles twitch in response. I chuckled softly as he pulled me closer, nuzzling my neck with his lips.

“Ian.” I moaned, sinking lower into the bed. His hands slid through my hair, along my neck, bringing a whole new set of chills to my body. His lips found mine and the dream flew from my mind in a fog of pleasure. I was breathless when he pulled away; his eyes alight with passion and mischief.

“Still worried about that dream, Mrs. O’Shea?” His voice was husky as he trailed a finger down my abdomen, lifting my left hand and pressing his lips to my ring finger. The sapphire solitaire glittered in the dim light.

“I’m sure you can find a way to distract me from it, Mr. O’Shea.” I giggled as he pulled me down under the covers, his lips finding mine once more. With a sigh of pleasure I fell into his touch, allowing him to thoroughly distract me.

**********

Morning dawned bright and clear. As usual I woke before Ian. The man loved to sleep, and after the loving he’d given me the night before I was more than slightly inclined to let him catch a few extra winks. Quietly I slipped out of bed, donned my robe, then padded downstairs my bare feet slapping against the natural pine wood floors. This house was Ian’s pride. He and his team had built it in little less than a year. They’d started the project just after he’d asked me to marry him, and a year later we’d been able to move in. I still couldn’t believe it. Smiling softly I ran my hand down the polished oak banister.

Everything in our quaint two-story house spoke of Ian and me. The walls were varying shades of blue, the carpets pale creams. The kitchen was a woman’s dream. It was so big I teased Ian I could fit my old apartment inside it and still have room to move around. State of the art stainless steel appliances waited to do my bidding. The stove was chef quality, Ian’s wedding gift to me. He knew I dreamed of owning my own catering business, and swore to me he’d do everything in his power to help me see it through.

I moved past the tiled center island and switched on the coffee pot. Ian needed coffee in the morning like most people needed air. I heard the shower switch on overhead and chuckled softly, pressing a hand to my abdomen. When would the butterflies stop? We’d been married for two years, and I still got nervous and jumpy when I thought of him standing naked in the shower, steamy water sluicing over his bronze body. I closed my eyes and imagined I was a droplet of water. I would begin my journey at his temple, caressing his strong jaw line as I slid down his well toned chest, kissing along his abs, sliding lower; lower until I finally reached his...

Gasping I opened my eyes, shuddering. Blushing furiously, I laughed at myself. Imaginings like that were going to get me in trouble. I shook my head and moved to the foyer. I thought I’d get the paper for Ian. He enjoyed reading over the morning’s news while he drank his coffee and whiled away a few precious moments.

The season was beginning for contractors. I frowned at the thought of the long days alone. I knew Ian would be leaving early and coming home well after dark. He owned one of the most lucrative construction companies in Tucson, Arizona. He and his best friend Tyler had literally built it out of the back of their pick-up truck. I was so proud of him.

The room was filling with the tantalizing scent of coffee, inhaling deeply I got a frying pan out of the cupboard and set it to heat on the stove. Humming to myself I moved to the fridge and began gathering items for breakfast. Omelets sounded good. Ian loved my Santé Fe omelet the best.

“Wanda.”

I jerked up, hitting my head on the lip of the fridge and dropping the butter. It splattered everywhere. Cursing softly I rubbed my head, bending to retrieve the fallen butter.

“Ian? Babe, did you call me?”

After a moment I realized that the water was still running above me. Holding the butter to my chest, I cautiously moved toward the island. Must have just been something outside. Shrugging I returned back to the fridge and continued to gather ingredients. I met no other incident and by the time Ian came clomping down the stairs I had two beautiful and fluffy omelets waiting on the table. He beamed at me as he came into the breakfast nook, his chin length hair still damp.

“Babe, you made omelets?” He pulled me to him, pressing his warm lips to my cheek. My stomach clenched as he slid his hands into my robe.

“I know they’re your favorite.” Smiling I wrapped my arms around his neck, toying with the ends of his damp hair.

“They are, but right now I’m hungry for something else in this room.” His eyes were hungry as he looked over my face, like he was worried he’d forget what I looked like. His large hands snaked down until they gripped my buttocks. I made a sound that was somewhere between a squeal and a moan, which brought a deep rumble of laughter from him.

“I love you, Wanda.” He brought his lips back to mine, deepening the kiss and leaving me quaking in my bunny slippers.

“Mmhmm.” Lame, but it was all I could manage as I dropped into my chair. My hand shook slightly as I lifted my coffee, and my eyes couldn’t help but follow his perfectly sculpted butt as he walked to the coffee pot.

“Did you sleep well, Hun?” I called, lifting my fork and cutting into my omelet. One little piggy after another, that’s how things went down in the O’Shea house.

“I slept great. Especially after I made sweet love to you.” He dropped a kiss to the top of my head then slid into his chair opposite me.

I blushed and suddenly became consumed with my omelet. I still couldn’t believe such an amazing man wanted me. Ian’s hunger for me was like nothing I’d ever known. Our first night together had been our wedding night, and now two years later I regretted nothing.

“Yes, that was quite wonderful.” I muttered, filling my mouth with a fluffy bite of egg. I rolled my eyes at Ian’s boyish grin as he consumed half of his egg in one bite. “That nightmare left me a little shaking. Thought I was hearing things this morning.” I chuckled half-heartedly at myself, instantly regretting my choice of words when concern stole the laughter from his eyes.

“Was it that bad, Babe? Want to talk about it?” Shoving his plate aside he took my hand in his, running his callused thumb over my knuckles.

I smiled at him, turning my hand to squeeze his reassuringly. “It was nothing, Babe, just a silly nightmare. Probably caused by the Chinese food we ate too late last night.”

His eyes still held concern, but his insatiable humor was creeping its way back into them.

“Got a busy day on the books. I have to be at the Johansson place by nine. Billy’s going to meet me there, then we’re going to ride together to the Preesley job. I don’t know when I’ll be home, Babe. But I’ll call you if it’s looking like it’ll be very late.”

The sound of his fork scrapping up egg was almost loud enough to cover the sound of my heart breaking. I knew he couldn’t stay home with me forever. He’d been so kind taking this much time off. It was time, past time, for him to go back to work.

“When are your classes starting back up?” He asked, watching me over the rim of his cup. I toyed with what was left of my egg, my appetite had vanished.

“In two weeks. I talked to Mr. Murdock the other day; he said everything was ready for me to start back.” I swallowed hard. Talking about all this was still so hard. I knew Ian wanted nothing more than to go back to normal. The last six months had taken a toll, and he was as ready as I to be normal again.

The clock down the hall chimed the half hour, making me jump. Ian rose, took his plate to the sink then came and kneeled down beside me.

“Wanda, if you’re not ready, it’s fine. No one’s pushing you, okay? Dr. Rhodes said stress would only complicate the situation.”

I pressed my finger to his lips, silencing him. “I’m fine. Honest.” I forced a smile to my lips, then did the most natural thing I could do. I kissed him.

His moan was long and slow as he wrapped his hands around my head. He tasted of coffee and paprika and Ian, a taste that was somehow exhilarating. With regret I pulled back, my fingers locked around his wrists.

“Ian.”

At that moment his cell phone chimed. It would be Billy, wondering if he were on the road. He groaned, pressing his forehead to mine.

“I have to go.”

“I know.”

“I love you.”

“Always and forever, Babe.”

I sat at the table, watching him walk away. My heart lurched as I heard the door open, the click shut. Silence surrounded me. There was no noise but the ticking clock in the hall, cars passing outside, the quiet inhale and exhale of my breathing. I was alone. Or so I thought.

“Wanda..”

9-2-2009

A dark tide looms. Creeping, sneaking, inching ever closer. Shadowy tendrils of dread forever seeking. Reaching to the heart of me.

Inspiration hovers, just beyond my grasp. So close, I can taste the sweetness of its yield.
Oh why, why do you tease me so, sweet muse? Why not grant me a taste, bittersweet though it may be. for a simple taste, I would do most anything. For a simple taste, I would battle the Gods.
Thunder on the mountain top. Lightening in the sea. Growth in the desert and sand in the valley. Things are not as the should be. Confused and muddled. Forever the Wanderer.
Why do you go? Why do you wander? For what are you searching?

Is the search worth the cost?
This constant yearning burns. A poison to the soul. Not quick acting. No, for we are not good enough for that. No, a slow burning poison. Bitter to the heart.

Ah, the heart. The bane of it all. Must you beat so quickly at a simple touch? Must you betray my every move? Your steady lub lub lub. The song of my world. Of his.

A heart. Tiny, yet beautiful. Fragile, yet strong. something so amazing, lost in the blink of an eye. I miss you. I mourn you, still. Why did you leave me? Why did you leave me here, lost and alone. I miss you. I never knew you. I knew you too well.

AH! The mind is a terrible thing to waste. Is anything original anymore?

My feelings are but carbon copies. Faded, torn and wasted. Falling to the floor.

Screaming to the deaf. Dancing for the blind. Burning for the painless. Erupting in a shower of color to the color blind.

I must pick of the pieces. Mind the stitching once more. The thread is fraying, but still I must go on. I must go on.

Moisture from my eyes. Such a strange sensation. Falling down, down, down. Where does it go? Where does anything go?

How is it that a few simple lines can change the world? But a single word can end it?

Shaking now. Emotions coming to the surface. Shoving them aside does nothing. they pour through my skin, flowing with an ethereal glow. Is it blood? Or life force? My soul?

Lying in the cold. Lying for the time. Lying, lying, lying. Transparent. The world can see right through me. Naked. Naked in a world of clothes. Why try to hide what every one can see? How can I hide in a sea of faces...Faces who look like me?

Startled by my own reflection, Good God could this be me? Is this person in the mirror really what every one else sees?

I know not what I say. I do not what I do. Sense is just a word lost in the hitherto. Strange sounds erupting from my throat. A pain I thought was lost...lost...loss....Loss.....

My heart is slowing breaking. I feel it rending in two. How is it I'm still alive?? I never knew a person could live without a heart....

Dream of happy things
Of butterflies with golden wings
Of great blue skies
And lullabies
And things
Dreams of someone you love dear
Dreams of standing way up here
Dreams of flying with the birds
Dreams of no more hateful words
Dreams of hearts that want to give
Dreams of a love that will always live
That is what I want to give
To you
Hold me now
Don't let me go
You know I can't let
These feelings show
Some day soon
I know we'll be
Together in harmony
But until then
What can we do?
For I am still
Apart from you
All I have
Is all I know
I can find you
Wherever I go
For if I just close my eyes
I will see you
Standing there next to me
So dream a dream
of me
Together we can swim the sea
Everything will be
As WE want it to be
As long as
We dream
Now that you
Have heard my Song
Now that this
Lullaby is sung
Close your eyes
And dream

3-18-2004 (2)

The tide ebbs
and flows
Washing away the painful
memories
Being sucked in
By the force of the moon
Fighting for freedom
But destined for doom

03/18/04

The brain holds its memories
The heart holds its scars
Time is an enemy
Casting you behind bars
Begging to be free
But feeling comfort in confinement
Knowing what you want
But trying to deny it
Running from the truth
Trusting in a lie
Holding onto something
That will never let you fly
Wishing to be great
But believing in your lies
When will you open your eyes
and soar
High above the skies

Untitled

A hole
Deep
Yet not depthless
Wide
Yet not boundless
Growing
Yet not grown
Pulsing
Aching
Hurting
Yearning
For a touch
Begging
Pleading
Screaming
Hungry for love
Spilling down the steps
Cascading falls of pain
This wound
So ever beating
Is bleeding once again
Can’t they hear the whisper?
Of a soul so often lost
Climbing no more higher
Yet burning for the cost
Calling out a name
Withering with pain
Contorting at the thought
Of a soul so often bought
With promises of gain
Sorrow hovers upon me
Distracting all sane
Thought
This loneliness is fraught
With images of gore
Instilling so much
Horror
Of a lonely
Listless
Night.

Thoughts

Chalk full of emotions
I don't understand,
All of them fighting
For a place
At the front of my mind.
I wish to simply run away.
To leave responsibility behind
And curl into the years of my childhood,
A childhood that was not long enough.
Always the adult,
I can't seem to recall
A single moment
When I was a
Laughing,
Carefree
Child.
Images of the past haunt me.
Blurred ideas
Of the future
Tease my senses
Until I feel as if I will
Crumble.
As if I will simply
Fall to my knees,
Screaming out
My agony,
Only to have my pain
Fall upon deaf ears,
Blind eyes.
Numb to the touch,
Yet alive to emotion.
My body in a constant
Battle
Upon itself,
Fighting feeling
With reason,
And logic
With fantasy.

Dark Days

So many signs
Pointing different ways
Chuckling with laughter
At my confusion hereafter
As a silent shadow lingers
Tiny curled up fingers
Play across the window
With mindless innuendo
On a dark
And purple day.

Songs soar across the sky
With the swiftness of a fly
Burning through the haze
Trapped inside this maze
On a dark
And purple day.

Screaming now with yearning
My skin so slowly burning
With a hunger that is turning
The night now into day
Drifting in a pleasance
Coated with an essence
On a dark
And purple day.

Passion

Passionate fires burn through the night
The heart aches once more
Yearning for fulfillment,
That will never come.
Silent tears of torment
Weave silken lines,
Spinning watery webs,
Of longing.
Tiny debris of dreams
Too many times forgotten,
Crumble in the wind
Of bitter disappointment.

Death Of a Voice

Death of a Voice

Stop talking to me

No! I said stop

Yes, yes I hear your words

But I wish them gone!

Gone!

Out!

Away!

Far from me!

Speak no more!

Your ceaseless babblings annoy me

Must you speak such words?

Must you continue

With your awful jabber?

Must you persist?

All day, all night

You ramble on.

Sleep is an illusion

I have long since

Forgotten.

Talking

Yammering

Constantly speaking!

Throbbing with the pressure of your force,

Yet I cannot force you out!

Be off with you!

End your endless chatter!

Is there nothing I can do?

Agree with you?

I think not!

I will smote you,

Yes,

I will smite you

Again and again

Never will you speak again

In that annoying

Little voice

Die and be gone!

Die and leave me

Alone

In this hollow space

Good-bye to you,

You awful retch

Go be somebody else’s

Conscience.

Millie The Duck

My first attempt at a children's story.

Millie the Duck Learns to Swim
Children’s Story
Jennifer Demeter 2009

Millie the duck sat on the bank of the pond, looking quite sad.
“What’s wrong, Millie?” Otto the otter said, scampering up the bank toward her.
“I’m quite sad, Otto. Everyone looks like they’re having such fun in the water. Everyone but me.”
“Well come on then, Millie!” Otto said, giving her a large smile. “We’d love to have you join us!”
Millie shook her head, a tear rolling down her cheek. “I can’t, Otto. I’m afraid.
“What are you afraid of, Millie? All your friends are out there! Beaver, Frog and Turtle too!”
“I don’t know how to swim.” Millie whispered.
“That’s silly. I thought all ducks knew how to swim.” Otto said, scratching his head in wonder.
“Not this duck.” Millie said sadly.
“Well, that’s not a problem!” Otto said brightly. “I’ll teach you to swim!”
Millie looked up at her friend, a smile coming to her face. “You will?”
“Of course I will! Let’s go!”
So Otto and Millie made their way to the shallow end of the pond. Otto jumped into the water easily, but Millie hung back.
“Come on, Millie! The first thing you have to do is get your feet wet!”
So Millie walked slowly into the water. But when it hit her ankles, she stopped.
“It’s cold, Otto!” She cried, shaking from head to foot.
“It will get better! Come in, you can do it!”
And with Otto cheering her on, Mille stepped further into the water, until soon the water lapped at her belly. And then she was floating.
“Otto! I’m doing it!” Millie cried, flapping her wings in joy.
“You’re floating, Millie! Now you have to kick your feet.” Otto moved his hands in a front and back motion, encouraging Millie to do the same.
And before Millie knew it, she was swimming. She swam around the shallow end, then she grew braver and swam to the middle of the pond. All her friends yelled and called out in joy as Millie finally joined them in their fun.
After hours of playing in the pond, Millie and her friends sat on the bank sharing a picnic lunch of carrots, grapes, crackers and peanut butter and jelly.
“Thank you, Otto. I never knew how much fun it was to swim.”
“And now you do. Remember Millie; don’t be afraid to try something new.”
Millie smiled and thought of what she would try tomorrow.

A song for my baby

I wrote this long before I became pregnant. I'd always wanted to write something for my children. And this is what came out. I sing this to my daughter every night before I put her to bed. I truly hope she will remember this song when she grows up.

Close your eyes now, little one

It’s time for you to sleep.

Have no fear, cause mommies here

To chase the monsters from the deep

Shadows of your room

Close your eyes now, little one

Dream a dream for me

Of castles in the air

Of life without a care

Of being so free

Close your eyes now, little one

It’s time for you to sleep.

Have no fear, cause mommies here

And I always will be

©Jennifer Demeter 2000